Diary

Posted on Word count in article: 432 Reading time ≈ 1 mins.

#BN Chapter1-2, 6(未完)

The New Rule：

  • LIFE IS communication with results. Communication is a process of discovery (more information).

    • get over your aversion to negotiating.(just need to understand that’s how the world works. );
    • To get what I ask for, ask correctly.
    • accept negotiation and in doing so learn how to get what you want in a psychologically aware way.(接受谈判并学会如何用心理学技巧获得我想要的？？？)

  • Negotiating skills had to laser-focus on the animal, emotional, and irrational.

    • System 1 guides and steers our rational thoughts.

  • Tactical Empathy. This is listening as a martial art, balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to gain access to the mind of another person.

    • when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view, which gets them to the calm and logical place.

Be a Mirror

  • HOW TO CONFRONT—AND GET YOUR WAY—WITHOUT CONFRONTATION: True listening to the other people, validating their emotions, and creating enough trust and safety.
    • Always keep the right mind-set.
    • Patience
    • True active listening.
    • Voice
      • Late-Night, FM DJ Voice: deep, soft, slow, and reassuring(the voice of calm and reason).
      • positive/playful voice. The key here is to relax and smile while you’re talking.
    • Mirroring and Silence. we copy each other to comfort each other(speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo, and tone of voice).
      • biological principle: We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar.

BEND THEIR REALITY

  • DON’T COMPROMISE | “no deal is better than a bad deal.”

    • we compromise to be safe.
    • Creative solutions are almost always preceded by some degree of risk, annoyance, confusion, and conflict, where the great deals are.

  • Deadlines or time cut both ways.

    • What’s more important is engaging in the process and having a feel for how long that will take.

  • Emotion makes decisions.

    • Fair is messy, emotional, and destructive dynamic(Fire!)

      • “That’s unfair!”, lead to an irrational concession.
      • “We’ve given you a fair offer.”, distract your attention and manipulate you into giving in.
        • “Fair?”, silence, “It seems like you’re ready to provide the evidence that supports that.”(Mirroring, silence, labeling)
      • F-word: Early on in a negotiation

    • Know the emotional drivers

      • 确定坏情绪的源头（needs），then sell them a vision of their satisfaction by my proposal.